Monday, August 10, 2009


It's 4:40 am and ten minutes ago I woke up with a jolt and had to gasp for air and was all panicky...I am chalking it up to either this is the first time in I can't even remember that I have slept in without Lily waking up because she usually wakes up around 2 or 3 am for a feeding or tomorrow (actually today Monday) that I will be alone with the twins for the VERY FIRST time since Lily had her seizure and was rushed to the hospital. I will only be alone with them for a couple of hours until my parents arrive but I guess I am worried that something will happen. I know it's an irrational fear and I will have to be alone with them eventually but I guess I have been slightly scarred by what happened the last time I was alone with the twins. My rational side knows the percentage of a repeat performance is VERY VERY low but I guess my overactive imagination keeps taunting me and saying "What if?!?!?!??!" I am hoping by actually writing this I will feel a little at ease and be able to calm down and fall back asleep. I know everything is in God's hands and He is always with me and I just have to let go of these irrational fears and let Him lead the way...OK have to check on Lily I think she is starting to wake up if anyone comes across this today please pray for me and ask God to send me some calmness.

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